What makes abusive people abusive?

There is this question that haunts me all the time... What is it that makes abusers abusive? It is not a defect that they are born with, then how do one section of normal people turn into these dominating, controlling beasts sucking the life out of people who are dear and close to them. Do circumstances play a part or is it just the social environ? At what point do they actually turn abusive?
The biggest question amongst these that haunt me is - Is there no cure for abuse? The most possible reason for a person turning turning abusive is because of growing up with it in the family. Does this mean that if someone in the family turns abusive, then the generations to come will all turn abusive? Is there no end to this vicious circle? They say love heals, but these are people who cannot feel love, so are they in one sense really wretched and doomed? Most of them do not even realize that they are abusive, so the question of working on it or seeking help is ruled out.
It is said that one can only give what one has, does that mean that these people who inflict pain, are in immense pain themselves? I do not seem to agree to with this theory, cos most abusive people seem to live in false sense of bliss, a bliss they truly feel. And most survivors of abuse, although in extreme pain, do not spread it. My husband abused me, I have been working on healing myself for a long long time now but the pain still bites. It scares me when I think, if all I have to offer is the pain in my heart. I have seen survivors who spread happiness and joy to those around them although they themselves are in extreme pain, like a lamp spreading light although its engulfed in darkness. A tree gives shade to all who come, although it has to brave the harshest of sun. There is no shade for it but it continues to provide it relentlessly. I think it has all got to do with purpose - the tree and the light have no purpose of causing harm, but abusers somewhere have this purpose of controlling even at the cost of harming others. Everybody deserves a second chance, even the worst of abusers but change is possible only when they are willing to work on it with the sole purpose of being good.

Loneliness

I have been feeling very lonely of late. My ill fated marriage seems to have robbed me of everything in life. My family, my confidence, my happiness and hope. I feel cursed. It might sound a little extreme for me to say this but I do feel very cursed that I was born an Indian girl. My court battles provide me little respite. I have no hope that I might recover my material belongings so any hope of rehabilitation of my lost life is impossible. I do not know why my family/society/courts cannot seem to understand that abuse does not get better with time, that I cannot "adjust" any longer, that this is not "some obstacle to be overcome", that this is not "challenge to be won" by the brave. Why should I try hard and harder to make the marriage work when all I wish in my heart is for freedom from this bondage. Am I a lesser woman just because my husband abused me and then abandoned me? Is it my fault that courts take years and years to pass judgement and when they do it is rarely in the favour of the truth but more in favor of evidence? Yes, I have very little evidence to prove that my husband killed me alive every single day but does that mean I did not die everyday? Does that reduce the amount of pain I have suffered and continue to suffer? Does that justify the fact that he was wrong? Why do I have to suffer in a court of justice when clearly everyone knows that I was wronged? Why cant my family just accept the bitter fact that this marriage is not for keeps and let me move on? Why do they think that their social acceptance is more important than the life of their daughter? Why cant they understand my perspective and me their's? How has it become possible that my abusive husband even now controls the relationship I have with my family? When he has already abandoned me and refuses to take me back, why does the society still expect that I will live my life praying that he will take me back. Why doesnt my family allow me to cut my losses and move on?
Loneliness engulfs me. I am nothing but a pawn in their games. I dont live but merely exist.

Poem of Abuse

Of use and abuse,
Of pain and hope,
My marriage is a story 
Of things gone awry.
Dreamy eyed yet practical,
Our match was quite a mismatch 
Tough i thought but impossible it turned.
Vows were broken, dreams were shattered
I cringed, I cried.
He vowed to protect me, cherish me, honor me,
Yet all he did was use me, abuse me and cripple me 
Like shards of glasses lying on the floor,
My hope was lying too. Curdled n sour. 
Little had I realized that my dearest dream, 
The most dreaded nightmare it had turned.
I was empty, I was hollow,
Yet only thing that sunk in was sorrow.
There were no hands to wipe my tears, 
There was no shoulder where my worries could rest,
A bolder person, a determined person was all that was left.
With courage I move on,
With conviction I move on,
I may have lost the battle,
But victory I shall regain.