There is this question that haunts me all the time... What is it that makes abusers abusive? It is not a defect that they are born with, then how do one section of normal people turn into these dominating, controlling beasts sucking the life out of people who are dear and close to them. Do circumstances play a part or is it just the social environ? At what point do they actually turn abusive?
The biggest question amongst these that haunt me is - Is there no cure for abuse? The most possible reason for a person turning turning abusive is because of growing up with it in the family. Does this mean that if someone in the family turns abusive, then the generations to come will all turn abusive? Is there no end to this vicious circle? They say love heals, but these are people who cannot feel love, so are they in one sense really wretched and doomed? Most of them do not even realize that they are abusive, so the question of working on it or seeking help is ruled out.
It is said that one can only give what one has, does that mean that these people who inflict pain, are in immense pain themselves? I do not seem to agree to with this theory, cos most abusive people seem to live in false sense of bliss, a bliss they truly feel. And most survivors of abuse, although in extreme pain, do not spread it. My husband abused me, I have been working on healing myself for a long long time now but the pain still bites. It scares me when I think, if all I have to offer is the pain in my heart. I have seen survivors who spread happiness and joy to those around them although they themselves are in extreme pain, like a lamp spreading light although its engulfed in darkness. A tree gives shade to all who come, although it has to brave the harshest of sun. There is no shade for it but it continues to provide it relentlessly. I think it has all got to do with purpose - the tree and the light have no purpose of causing harm, but abusers somewhere have this purpose of controlling even at the cost of harming others. Everybody deserves a second chance, even the worst of abusers but change is possible only when they are willing to work on it with the sole purpose of being good.
The biggest question amongst these that haunt me is - Is there no cure for abuse? The most possible reason for a person turning turning abusive is because of growing up with it in the family. Does this mean that if someone in the family turns abusive, then the generations to come will all turn abusive? Is there no end to this vicious circle? They say love heals, but these are people who cannot feel love, so are they in one sense really wretched and doomed? Most of them do not even realize that they are abusive, so the question of working on it or seeking help is ruled out.
It is said that one can only give what one has, does that mean that these people who inflict pain, are in immense pain themselves? I do not seem to agree to with this theory, cos most abusive people seem to live in false sense of bliss, a bliss they truly feel. And most survivors of abuse, although in extreme pain, do not spread it. My husband abused me, I have been working on healing myself for a long long time now but the pain still bites. It scares me when I think, if all I have to offer is the pain in my heart. I have seen survivors who spread happiness and joy to those around them although they themselves are in extreme pain, like a lamp spreading light although its engulfed in darkness. A tree gives shade to all who come, although it has to brave the harshest of sun. There is no shade for it but it continues to provide it relentlessly. I think it has all got to do with purpose - the tree and the light have no purpose of causing harm, but abusers somewhere have this purpose of controlling even at the cost of harming others. Everybody deserves a second chance, even the worst of abusers but change is possible only when they are willing to work on it with the sole purpose of being good.
